Energy spent worrying about tomorrow's problems is energy taken away from enjoying today.
I finished round 15 today and have just ONE more to go. I'm still having the same mixed feelings I had after completing round 14. I talked to Dr. Ellis's nurse today who told me those feelings are completely normal and most people do feel this way. If chemo was a little easier on my body I'd maybe consider asking for a few extra treatments. ;) One thing that surprised me about chemo is that you're body (or at least mine) never got used to it. It has definitely got tougher the further along I get in my treatments. The side effects have became more frequent and harder to take as time goes on. I'm scared about the next phase... surgery. I so want all of this to be done with and behind me as much as possible. On the other side, my prognosis and plans for the future depend so much on what they find when they do the surgery. My understanding of the kind of cancer I have (triple negative) is that generally it is more likely to metastasize and has a poorer prognosis than other types of breast cancer. However, if I achieve a complete pathological response at the time of surgery, my prognosis improves to about the same as other types of breast cancer. Complete pathological response means that the chemotherapy has completely eradicated the cancer. Studies show that about one third of triple negative patients achieve complete pathological response. Siiiiiiiiiigh... I really do believe in the quote above. It's just difficult to do in the quiet moments alone each day or lying in bed awake at night. Of course I am worried about a bad outcome, but I think the hardest part is the unknown. So, the surgery coming up is a very good thing. At least I will know what I am dealing with.
My very good friend, Jen, went with me to treatment today. She, like pretty much everyone else who has come with me had an idea of what a chemo treatment would be like. It really sounds a lot more intimidating than it is. Plus, the nurses and doctors at Swedish make the experience so much easier to take. Gosh, I remember how scared I was before I went for the first time. I think she was pleasantly surprised at how it went. One of my favorite parts of going to chemo is the one on one time I get with the wonderful people going with me. Life gets so busy and it becomes more difficult to find the time to catch up with the ones we love. I've really enjoyed the time I get with everyone who has come with me.
Brooke's daycare is closed this week and and I'm very much looking forward to spending some one on one time with her. :) Being with the girls brings so much comfort to me.