I knew this change was coming as the nurse told me at my first treatment that I would likely start losing my hair before my next treatment. My next treatment was just the next day. I woke up Sunday morning to a pile of hair on my pillow. I thought I was prepared for it to happen. But when I saw the hair there, I instantly knew I wasn't as ready for that change as I'd thought. I went into the bathroom to look at my hair. It was coming out just by the touch. It's so strange how quickly that happens. Throughout the day it was falling out more and more. I will fully admit, I was a little down this day. I wasn't sure if that feeling was stemming from the fact that I soon would have no hair or if it came from the fact that now everyone would know I had breast cancer. There would be no more anonymity.
I spent that Sunday with Eric, my sister and my parents. They were very supportive and helped me realize this is all a part of this journey. I needed to embrace this change, and I did.
The next day I woke up feeling much more comfortable with the changes that were happening. My hair was now falling out by the handfuls at this point and I already had balding spots. I decided that morning I would let Vanessa and Brooke cut my hair short and then shave the rest off. I wanted them to be a part of it so it wouldn't be so scary for them to see mommy all of a sudden with no hair. We were at my parents house in the kitchen. Eric shaved his head first to show his support. My brother, Josh and nephew, Nic also shaved their heads. They all said they would have bald heads as long as I did. I thought that was very sweet. It was my turn next. Yikes! I sat in the chair and the girls went at it with the scissors. They both thought it was fun to cut my hair. Brooke kept giggling and telling me I looked silly. It made me smile. When it got time to shave it off, Vanessa was right by my side, holding my hands and asking if I was ok. I kept thinking to myself how is this sweet little girl at only 6 so strong and caring. She sat there with me the whole time making sure I was ok. I was ok.
I have had some days where I've wished for my hair back, wished for the anonymity back. But, overall, I'm ok with my hair loss. I've actually thought to myself... not having hair while going through chemo may be a little treat from god, I don't have the energy to do my hair right now anyway. :)
The pictures below were taken by the most amazing photographer and friend, Amy Walton. My make up was done by the equally amazing make-up artist and friend, Justine Martinez. They made me feel so pretty when taking these photos. I thank you both and love you to the end of the rainbows!