Friday, April 1, 2011

Round 14

I completed round 14 Monday, March 28th and have just two more treatments to go! I'm having mixed feelings about ending chemo. Part of me is completely happy and cannot wait for that final day, but then there's a part of me that isn't ready for it to end. Every week when I go to treatment I find comfort in being there and imagining the chemo entering my body and killing any bit of cancer left in me. The end of chemo also means the end of this phase of my journey... which means I'm getting closer to the next phase of my journey. I'm a little afraid of that next phase. I know what chemo feels like. I don't know what not having breasts feels like.

My appointment yesterday went well. I met with Dr. Ellis and we scheduled the last MRI I will be having on April 12th. This will give the surgeon a good idea of what she's facing when she performs the surgery. Of course, she won't know the full story until she gets in there and sees for herself. The surgery is going to take about 3.5 hours. I opted to have two surgeons instead of just one. This will cut the surgery time in half. It seemed like a no brainer to go this route.

I haven't felt that great this week... I've been really tired and weak. I think this is all just taking a toll on me both physically and mentally. I just read an article about depression and cancer. It said it's almost impossible for you to be touched by cancer and not then be touched by depression. Just knowing you have cancer alone is tough enough, but then every single medicine that you have to take to fight the disease causes depression and anxiety. I think that is the #1 side effect listed on each medication I'm taking. Sigh... I don't mean to sound like a "Debbie Downer" because I do feel like I have been pretty positive throughout this whole thing. I think I'm just anxious for this all to be over and to have my life back to normal. 

I started the Active Program at Swedish last week. I met with a rehabilitation doctor who started me on a work out regimen. This will help me get the strength to be able to recover from the surgery much quicker. I went again on Tuesday and met with another doctor, Dr. Zucker, who went into a much more detailed plan for before and after the surgery. I thought the appointment would be more about physical care, but he talked with me about my mental care as well. He had such a calming effect on me that I started crying almost immediately after he began talking to me. When you have cancer (at least for me) you always try and make the people around you feel better about it.  But when I met with Dr. Zucker he made me feel like he really knew what I was feeling on such a deeper level than any other doctor I've met with. Here is a link to Dr. Zucker talking about his role in helping people living with cancer, live well. I recommend this program to anyone fighting cancer.


  1. Margie...everytime I read your blog I am inspired to be a better person, amazed by your strength...and most of all...blessed to know you. You are so strong....I admire you..and thankful for you. xoxo.

  2. Margie the emotions you feel are warranted, this is ALOT to go through. You have been extremely positive throughout this whole process. You are a smart women for seeking help, accepting help, and allowing your friends and family to be there to support you. We love you. You are an inspiration.

  3. Moving forward to the next part of your journey.. one step at a time..
    Beautiful, strong, honest.. Margie!!!
    Love your goals!! Taking care of you!
    Dar :-)

  4. I Love You My Heart Warrior Choba... Molly

  5. You are so close to finishing your chemo Margie! :) That is awesome! I know how scary it is to begin the next step, but that just means your that much closer to reaching your goal of living a cancer-free life. I had bilateral mastectomy surgery 2 years ago so I can relate first hand. I too had anxiety and concerns before my surgery but found that after I was very relieved. I was relieved that the cancer we knew about was now gone. It was a process, but I did my exercises religiously and my body actually healed quite quickly. Yours will too because we are so young. And you know, there are days I do miss my boobs, but I have excepted my fate and actually chosen not to have reconstruction. Which has surprised a lot of people. Its such a personal decision, but I also have young kids and decided that I didn't want to spend anymore time healing from cancer treatments. I wanted to get back to normal as quickly as possible and enjoy the rest of their childhood. Best wishes to you as you end one phase and begin the next on your journey. :)

  6. You are very strong and brave,my lil sis have cancer to ,but we are toghether in this fight. Keep being pozitive and strong to be an example to others. Best regards Nicoletta