Round 6 was on Monday, January 31st. Round 6. When I say round 6, I feel like that's nothing. It sounds so insignificant compared to what I still have ahead of me, not to downplay the 6 rounds I've already completed. I'm so thankful for those 6 rounds, it just means I still have 10 more to go. I've actually come to look forward to Mondays. Every Monday I'm one week closer to getting this cancer out of me.
This last week has been a hard one for me... If you read my last post, you got a feel for my state of mind. It didn't change too much throughout the week, unfortunately. I've been going through constant changes physically and mentally the last few months and I continue to go through them. It's like I'm on a roller coaster of emotions. Some days I feel strong and like I can take on the world, then others I'm scared out of my mind and don't know if I can even face the day. I spent most of this week not wanting to face the day. I keep reading that I need to avoid stress, that stress is feeding my cancer. But, I'd truly like to know how someone who has cancer at 31 is supposed to be stress free. Every time I look at my daughters I feel this pressure in my chest, a panic attack. I know God didn't give me cancer, I know that. But, I want to be mad at someone and I keep asking him why he would allow me these two beautiful little girls and then give me cancer. It just doesn't seem fair and likely never will.
I have to just keep going, keep facing the days ahead of me. Keep fighthing this awful disease. I have to do everything I can to beat this. I will beat this. There's just no other option for me.
Eric knows I've been having a tough time lately so he took me to Ocean Shores Saturday night. It was exactly what I needed. I hadn't laughed and smiled as much as I did in a very long time. I also slept longer and better than I have in months. I'm feeling pretty good today. My spirits are high and I'm ready to take on round 7.