Friday, December 31, 2010

Hair today... gone tomorrow...

The day was Sunday, December 12th. Eric and I had attended a small Christmas party the night before. I went to the party that night looking like myself, but definitely not feeling myself. Up until this point, I still had my hair. If you didn't personally know I had breast cancer, you wouldn't have been able to tell. I found comfort in this. I still had some anonymity. I could still be Margie and not Margie with breast cancer.


I knew this change was coming as the nurse told me at my first treatment that I would likely start losing my hair before my next treatment. My next treatment was just the next day. I woke up Sunday morning to a pile of hair on my pillow. I thought I was prepared for it to happen. But when I saw the hair there, I instantly knew I wasn't as ready for that change as I'd thought. I went into the bathroom to look at my hair. It was coming out just by the touch. It's so strange how quickly that happens. Throughout the day it was falling out more and more. I will fully admit, I was a little down this day. I wasn't sure if that feeling was stemming from the fact that I soon would have no hair or if it came from the fact that now everyone would know I had breast cancer. There would be no more anonymity.


I spent that Sunday with Eric, my sister and my parents. They were very supportive and helped me realize this is all a part of this journey. I needed to embrace this change, and I did.


The next day I woke up feeling much more comfortable with the changes that were happening. My hair was now falling out by the handfuls at this point and I already had balding spots. I decided that morning I would let Vanessa and Brooke cut my hair short and then shave the rest off. I wanted them to be a part of it so it wouldn't be so scary for them to see mommy all of a sudden with no hair. We were at my parents house in the kitchen. Eric shaved his head first to show his support. My brother, Josh and nephew, Nic also shaved their heads. They all said they would have bald heads as long as I did. I thought that was very sweet. It was my turn next. Yikes! I sat in the chair and the girls went at it with the scissors. They both thought it was fun to cut my hair. Brooke kept giggling and telling me I looked silly. It made me smile. When it got time to shave it off, Vanessa was right by my side, holding my hands and asking if I was ok. I kept thinking to myself how is this sweet little girl at only 6 so strong and caring. She sat there with me the whole time making sure I was ok. I was ok.


I have had some days where I've wished for my hair back, wished for the anonymity back. But, overall, I'm ok with my hair loss. I've actually thought to myself... not having hair while going through chemo may be a little treat from god, I don't have the energy to do my hair right now anyway. :)


The pictures below were taken by the most amazing photographer and friend, Amy Walton. My make up was done by the equally amazing make-up artist and friend, Justine Martinez. They made me feel so pretty when taking these photos. I thank you both and love you to the end of the rainbows!






21 comments:

  1. Margie- You couldn't be any more BEAUTIFUL! You are amazing, and so incredibly strong. We Love you

    Felisa and Darrell

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  2. Amazingly beautiful! You are definitely a strong person. I'm nor sure if you remember me, but we have met a couple times through friends, I just want you to know I'm here for you, I'm part of your cheer squad. Love you, and remember you are gorgeous!!

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  3. I have never seen you look so beautiful...I love you!!!

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  4. You are SO beautiful inside and out. SO brave and SO loved. Love, Amy

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  5. You look absolutely BEAUTIFUL!
    Love, Seth & Michelle

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  6. Margie, U are beautiful and i love you so very much!!

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  7. I'm so proud of you and your strength! You are the most beautiful women I know! I love you to the end of the rainbows too!!! xoxoxo

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  8. Margie...you've always been and always will be so beautiful..inside and out. xoxox.
    Peggy

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  9. Margie.i havent talked to ya since prob high school but
    I just have to say how moving your story is.the fact that
    U r staying so positive for ur little girls is truly amazing and
    incredibly selfless.u look gorgeous as you always have and
    I thank you for sharing your incredibly personal journey.
    Xoxo, lindsey parcells (stubrud)

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  10. Wow, your head is beautiful! I bet the girls had so much fun cutt ok ng you hair. Ehat a fun way to apprlach it.

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  11. Sorry, I wrote that from my phone.

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  12. Stunning, absolutely beautiful pictures, Margie! This particular blog entry has pulled out so many emotions in me today. You are the strongest, bravest, most amazing woman I know.

    XoXo
    Angela

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  13. Margie you look absolutely stunning!!! I admire you and your bravery (is that a word?). It's so nice that you have support from your family and Eric. I hope you all took a picture together showing your new doo's! Justine is totally awesomeness too, your make up is gorgeous!!!

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  14. Hi Margie,

    I just saw your post on Facebook and found your blog. I had tears in my eyes about the part about your 6 year old being so strong and brave! I think of you often, from miles away and admire your strength and courage. You look just beautiful in your photos.

    With lots of love, thoughts and prayers, Leah

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  15. Margie, you are absolutely gorgeous, hair or no hair!

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  16. Margie, Beautiful. Lynn

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  17. Margie,
    With or without Hair... Your Gorgous,, your eyes, your smile and the spirit you have...

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  18. Margie,
    We love you! you are so very beautiful!
    Hugs and kisses
    Silvia and Greg

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  19. Margie, I knew you got all the good looks in the family!!

    Janette <3

    Margie,
    I agree with Janette my sister is the most amazingly beautiful stunning woman on this planet inside and out!! Love you

    Josh

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  20. OMG....you are the most beautiful women i know , margie...i had to double look at the pix , i didnt realize tht was you..my lil vanessa and brooke there such a sweet heart...xoxoxo nelia

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